What do you say to people who are worried?

[donna]

My mum is very worried about my eyes. I dont know what to say to her, its even harder when I am having a bad day and she looks so worried or tells me she cant sleep because she is thinking about it, some days I think she worries more than I do about it.

[Pat A]

Donna
I really feel for you and your mum - but I don't know what the answer is.
I have a similar problem with my 24 year old son - he is very worried about me and I don't know what to tell him, especially as he is waiting to find out whether he has KC too. But as a parent myself, I know it's really hard seeing your offspring in trouble - its worrying - hhopefully someone else can offer some words of help & advice that we can both benefit from.
But I have to admit, I really wish my mum was still around - I could really do wth her right now.


Pat

[Susan Mason]

Hi Donna

Parents always worry it's the maternal nature. It's very diffiuly to see someone who is so close to you struggling on a day to day basis with their sight.
My mum still can'y grasp it all, she worries whether or not she had something to do with it, after all she carried me and gave birth to me (having a child myself I can understand this).

The best I can suggest for you is that you sit down and talk it through. Depending at what stage you are at with getting to grips with your KC will depend how your discussion goes. If you are having problems and some days are worse than others, like most of us you will learn coping strategies that are not the perfect answer however, allow us to get by.

Good luck and post on the forum if you have any questions (no matter how silly they may seem) I expect that one of us will have had similar concerns at some time.

best wishes

Susan

[donna]

Thanks, I do understand the reason for the worry, motherhood has this habit of making us feel guilty for various things as our kids grow up! I just hate to see her worry.
Nothing I can do I suppose, if she sees me coping ok she may well relax a little bit, I think the fact that I am a single parent and also help care for her probably makes her worry more.

[GarethB]

Anyone in my familiey who worries and tells me they are having sleepless nights, I tell them if they do not sleep then they are useless to me should I need them.

I know I can not stop them worrying, but they need to sleep and be fresh to help.

Then there is introducing them to this site as things are simply expalined. In my experience much of the worry is a combination of not understanding what you are going through and the usual parental thing what did tehy do wrong as a parent; why you and not them.

My Mum was not that sort of person she would take action and not so muc worry. My mother inlaw is a worrier and this stopped her worrying quite so much when I asked this question.

How is her worrying about my vision going to help me?

I tell all my familly I am man enough to ask for help when i need it. Unless I have lenses in I NEVER drive and NEVER go in the lab or use chemicals at home. The only way I will find my limits is learning to adapt to the vision I amy or may not have. They need to be mentally with it to be of any help, worrying about me is bad for the health and counter productive.
My familly ask about my vision when I see them and I will tell the m honestly how I am doing. All done and dusted in a coupe minutes most times unless I have something to report from the hospital.

Hope this helps some.

Gareth

[donna]

Thanks Gareth that did help.

[Lynn White]

Donna...

People often worry when they cannot understand a situation. Often their worries are worse than facts!! I suggest you talk to your Mum and find out what her worst worries actually are. Is she worried about your eyes going worse.. or is she feeling guilty, thinking its her fault, or perhaps how you are going to cope with your vision.

If you can talk a lot of this through and can encourage her to feel more positive, then that would be good. If she has worries you are not sure you can answer, then please ask me here!

Lynn

[Andrew MacLean]

when my children were very little I told them about my eyes. I explained that the little windows at the front of my eye had a wrinkle and that the time might come when I would need to have my own little windows taken out and new ones put in.

They accepted this simple truth. My son found a flaw in the window of our house and would sometimes kneel on the windowsil and look through the flawed glass to "see what daddy sees".

I know that my mother and father did worry more about my sight than I did, but I reckon that mothers and fathers are entitled to worry about their grown up children if they wanted to. All I could do was tell them that everything was under control and if I was having a bad day that "tomorrow would be better".

All the best

Andrew

[piper]

Donna, my own mother is 88 years old, just had a knee replacement surgery, has a badly damaged back due to arthritis and a pinched nerve, she lives in a nursing home away from all but by Dad, also 88 and infirm.......and she worries a lot about and for me, much as your own mum does. Ya just gotta love 'em........ On the phone daily she says, "I just don't know what i can do for you......." and I tell her that just listening to me is her job now.

Hug your mum for me. Mine is 1200-miles away.

Piper

[donna]

Awww Piper sorry your mum is so far away xx My mum also has lots of problems of her own but mine worry her more! My son suffers heavy nose bleeds that need hospital attention and leave him iron deficient. But if I could wave a magic wand and cure one of us i would stop his bleeds for him.
Suppose its what mums do